Since our two precious babies are so close together I often get asked, "How are you managing?." Or, the more popular comment, "You sure have your hands full." Usually while I am trying to get the two babies up three flights of stairs or into the car. I smile and laugh. Yes, I have my hands full. And both arms and sometimes my feet. It's amazing how useful I have found all my appendages to be. Carrying my keys between my teeth is something I swore I would never do. Who doesn't have the time to put their keys in their pocket or their bag, right? Me. No matter how much time I spend planning for every possible move Bruce might make, he comes up with something new. His eyes are constantly darting about to see what he can touch, taste or climb. If possible he prefers to do all three at once.
I might have a handle on things if Fiona was not in my arms and if I didn't have to protect her from his ever swinging limbs and head. He is really into bashing his head into people and things. Head bashing is a sign of affection and irritation so it happens all the time. He even head butts the dogs at the park. Last weekend he head butted Eric's face so hard I was sure that Eric's nose was broken. Luckily it was not. I'm dreading the day when he knocks me in the teeth and knocks out the artificial part of my front tooth. I'll look just like Lloyd Christmas when that happens. Just yesterday he started walking around with both hands balled up into fists and started Hulk Smashing his toys. He had a huge cat-ate-the-canary grin on his face. He is smart, strong, energetic, stubborn and curious...so...yeah....
For example:
I decided that going to the grocery store with the two babies would be a super good idea this morning. We usually save the grocery shopping for after Eric gets home from work as trying to carry groceries plus two babies up the stairs is asking a little much. Bruce can walk up the stairs but whenever I have a lot to carry, it seems, he prefers to sit on the bottom step and talk to the birds And he will not be moved. Avoiding having to carry anything extra is in the best interest of all parties. Knowing this, I decided to grocery shop anyway. My thought process was as follows," I'll leave the non-perishable items in the car and Eric can bring them up when he gets home. I'll just pick up one grocery bag worth of perishable items." I get the babies into the car with no hassle. As we pull into the parking lot Bruce starts squealing with excitement. I get Fiona out first (if I don't I have to pin Bruce to the side of the car with my foot to prevent him from running away) and this upsets Bruce greatly until I finally open his door. He claps in approval as he climbs out of the car and happily holds my hand as we head into the store. Up until today Bruce has been content to help push the cart, or at least hold onto the side. But today things changed. I had barely secured Fiona in the cart when Bruce darted off into the abyss of the produce section, with all the fruit bins being too tall to see him. He stopped for a few seconds to grab a plastic produce bag off the roll and then was off again, this time turning the corner and running towards the freezer section. Thankfully the store was empty because I was frantically looking back and forth between my children trying to figure out how to get Bruce without stepping too far away from Fiona. (I am a totally paranoid parent. There are crazy people in this world that could walk off with a child in two seconds. I've probably seen too many crime shows.) I start running with the cart and catch up to Bruce, who is a very happy boy at this point because he is FREE!!!! I put an end to that delusion right quick. I wrestled him into the cart and he screamed and twisted and arched his back and fought to get out. He had huge crocodile tears running down his red cheeks (insert well meaning stranger comment here: "You sure have your hands full.") I am laughing because the five people in the grocery story seem to have culminated in the freezer section and are watching in either amusement or horror. It depends if they have any kids of their own as to which category they fall under. After the wrestling match ended I calmly pushed the cart along and continued shopping. Bruce screamed for the duration of our visit. Fiona, being the angelic baby that she is, happily sat in her car seat and gave Bruce questioning looks.
This is our day to day. Trying to give Bruce enough room to run and play while trying to give Fiona all the holding and nurturing and play she needs. I cannot have a conversation with Bruce because he does not fully understand. I tell him, "no" and he listens half of the time. Maybe. And not because he is inherently naughty, but because he is not even 18 months old. I can say that the first month after Fiona was born was horrendous. Due to very little sleep and trying to breastfeed and take care of Bruce. I cried and cried all the time. Probably for four weeks straight. Not because I was sad about anything but because I was SO TIRED! Now that the constant fatigue and exhaustion have let up considerably, having two babies is a lot of fun. Especially now that Fiona is responsive to people and becoming more active. (She rolled over today!) She smiles at Bruce all the time and he loves it. He is still learning to be gentle, though I think that will be a life long lesson for him.
My world at this point in my life is very small and very amusing. Bruce and Fiona make me laugh all the time. Laughing at everything seems to take the edge off of particularly trying days, like when Bruce is teething and decides that standing in the hallway while screeching is the best thing to do.
My Motivation
My little Bruce Bug
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
My Testimony
Religion is an uncomfortable topic for me. Even amongst my friends and family who share my beliefs. While I love words, I have found that when it comes to religion, it is better to observe what one does if I want to know what they believe, instead of listening to what one says (or writes). I also assume that people, and I am referring to grown adults, have chosen their beliefs and lifestyle based on what makes them happy. Because conversations about religion are rarely respectful, and this applies to people on all sides, I choose not to participate. I don't appreciate when my beliefs are laughed at or made light of and I would never want to do that to someone else. And while offense is often taken when no offense is intended, again, I choose not to participate.
And then I remembered...
During a discussion in a philosophy class at the University of Oregon, a Muslim woman was sharing her beliefs. The topic was Nichomachean Ethics and somehow the conversation turned to this woman's religion. At the time, I did not subscribe to any particular religion, though I did believe in God in a sort of lucid and ethereal sense. I was particularly interested in what she had to say because she did so with an unapologetic conviction. Having been accustomed to political correctness, (Eugene OR = Earth Muffin =PC) I was delightfully shocked that someone so young (maybe 19) would have the audacity to share her beliefs with a group of people that did not only not share them, but were against them. I do not recall all of the specifics of her testimony, for that is what it amounted to on that hot and muggy summer term day, but I remember that her voice was unwavering and her answers sure as people began asking the most personal of questions. People that demanded respect for their own lifestyle but seemed unable or unwilling to give that same respect to this woman. She repeatedly stated that her beliefs were hers and she was glad to share them, but she would not apologize for them. She did not get angry at accusations or assumptions. She let them come and then let them go. Between all the active participants of the conversation, I am certain that she was the only one who walked out of the class without higher blood pressure and a faster pulse.
I want to follow her example and share my testimony because what I believe has brought me much happiness and peace. Two things that were not a constant part of my life for probably the first 20 years. Or more. I was raised in a Latter Day Saint home but the gospel was taught under the guise of fear and self loathing. So while I am an active member of the church I was raised in, I understand that going to church every Sunday can be worth as much as finding a drawer full of Monopoly money. Absolutely nothing.
I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live. I know they love me. I know they want to help me and guide me, but they will only do so if I want them to. I know that Christ atoned for my sins and heartaches, just as He did for everyone. I know that we are given commandments to make us happy and to prevent unnecessary anguish. Hard times are a part of life, but we don't have to make it harder for ourselves, and following the commandments aids in this. I know that a personal relationship with Heavenly Father is the one sure way to always have someone who understands. Friends and family are great to talk to, and necessary, but Heavenly Father understands and knows how to help. Especially with those feelings and circumstances that no one else truly gets. I know that God wants me to love others as He loves me. And while I have a long way to go, He gives me the strength and patience to be a much kinder person than I am otherwise inclined.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Welp, my little Bruce-ter is awakening so I better scoot.
And then I remembered...
During a discussion in a philosophy class at the University of Oregon, a Muslim woman was sharing her beliefs. The topic was Nichomachean Ethics and somehow the conversation turned to this woman's religion. At the time, I did not subscribe to any particular religion, though I did believe in God in a sort of lucid and ethereal sense. I was particularly interested in what she had to say because she did so with an unapologetic conviction. Having been accustomed to political correctness, (Eugene OR = Earth Muffin =PC) I was delightfully shocked that someone so young (maybe 19) would have the audacity to share her beliefs with a group of people that did not only not share them, but were against them. I do not recall all of the specifics of her testimony, for that is what it amounted to on that hot and muggy summer term day, but I remember that her voice was unwavering and her answers sure as people began asking the most personal of questions. People that demanded respect for their own lifestyle but seemed unable or unwilling to give that same respect to this woman. She repeatedly stated that her beliefs were hers and she was glad to share them, but she would not apologize for them. She did not get angry at accusations or assumptions. She let them come and then let them go. Between all the active participants of the conversation, I am certain that she was the only one who walked out of the class without higher blood pressure and a faster pulse.
I want to follow her example and share my testimony because what I believe has brought me much happiness and peace. Two things that were not a constant part of my life for probably the first 20 years. Or more. I was raised in a Latter Day Saint home but the gospel was taught under the guise of fear and self loathing. So while I am an active member of the church I was raised in, I understand that going to church every Sunday can be worth as much as finding a drawer full of Monopoly money. Absolutely nothing.
I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live. I know they love me. I know they want to help me and guide me, but they will only do so if I want them to. I know that Christ atoned for my sins and heartaches, just as He did for everyone. I know that we are given commandments to make us happy and to prevent unnecessary anguish. Hard times are a part of life, but we don't have to make it harder for ourselves, and following the commandments aids in this. I know that a personal relationship with Heavenly Father is the one sure way to always have someone who understands. Friends and family are great to talk to, and necessary, but Heavenly Father understands and knows how to help. Especially with those feelings and circumstances that no one else truly gets. I know that God wants me to love others as He loves me. And while I have a long way to go, He gives me the strength and patience to be a much kinder person than I am otherwise inclined.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Welp, my little Bruce-ter is awakening so I better scoot.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
One Step Towards Success
I am not generally a celebrator of my own accomplishments. I am a do-er by nature and so when one thing is done, even when it was finishing all of my anatomy and kinesiology classes or competing in a triathlon, it is on to the next task. In an attempt to enjoy the process I am celebrating my progress on my book! I decided that every day I will write at least one entire page, no matter how brilliant or awful. And so I have. I am excited about the direction my story is taking and I am getting better at showing my points through my characters instead of allowing the narrative voice to state all my points, which have made all of my past stories something closer to an opinion essay.
While attending the University of Oregon I took a creative writing workshop where every student wrote three stories over the course of the term and we all read and critiqued each others stories. (There were maybe eight people in the class.) Since I was nineteen at the time I'm pretty sure I left every class where my work was critiqued, crying. While I was traumatized then, I am thankful for the critique now because I remember, quite well, the overwhelming amount of comments in regard to how my story telling can and should be improved. First, as a fore mentioned, if I want my story to have a point show that point through the characters. Second, don't assume that because a transition makes sense in my mind that the transition is obvious to my readers. Give as much detail as necessary and possible. Third, and this is my favorite, every character needs a background whether you include the background in your story or not. When a character has a background you don't have to spend so much time thinking about their reaction to a situation because just as with real people, it should be pretty predictable.
I gave also been reading, On Writing Well, by William Zinsser. The whole book is full of applicable advice and my favorite thus far is; "The secret to good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components. Every word that serves no function, every long word that could be a short word, every adverb that carries the same meaning that's already in the verb, every passive construction that leaves the reader unsure of who is doing what - these are the thousand and one adulterants that weaken the strength of a sentence." (pg.7) After reading this it dawned on me how guilty I am of adding extra words. My most used being; just, such, quite, very, a bit, obviously and so on. I have so much editing that needs to be done that thinking about it is enough discouragement to stop me from writing. But I shall press forward. As Mr. Zinsser says, "If you find that writing is hard, it's because it is hard."(pg.9)
I will also begin doing writing prompts once or twice a week to get my imagination and creative juices flowing more freely as they have been stagnant for sometime. If anyone has a good writing prompt to share, please do so! The Internet only offers so much.
Until next time.
While attending the University of Oregon I took a creative writing workshop where every student wrote three stories over the course of the term and we all read and critiqued each others stories. (There were maybe eight people in the class.) Since I was nineteen at the time I'm pretty sure I left every class where my work was critiqued, crying. While I was traumatized then, I am thankful for the critique now because I remember, quite well, the overwhelming amount of comments in regard to how my story telling can and should be improved. First, as a fore mentioned, if I want my story to have a point show that point through the characters. Second, don't assume that because a transition makes sense in my mind that the transition is obvious to my readers. Give as much detail as necessary and possible. Third, and this is my favorite, every character needs a background whether you include the background in your story or not. When a character has a background you don't have to spend so much time thinking about their reaction to a situation because just as with real people, it should be pretty predictable.
I gave also been reading, On Writing Well, by William Zinsser. The whole book is full of applicable advice and my favorite thus far is; "The secret to good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components. Every word that serves no function, every long word that could be a short word, every adverb that carries the same meaning that's already in the verb, every passive construction that leaves the reader unsure of who is doing what - these are the thousand and one adulterants that weaken the strength of a sentence." (pg.7) After reading this it dawned on me how guilty I am of adding extra words. My most used being; just, such, quite, very, a bit, obviously and so on. I have so much editing that needs to be done that thinking about it is enough discouragement to stop me from writing. But I shall press forward. As Mr. Zinsser says, "If you find that writing is hard, it's because it is hard."(pg.9)
I will also begin doing writing prompts once or twice a week to get my imagination and creative juices flowing more freely as they have been stagnant for sometime. If anyone has a good writing prompt to share, please do so! The Internet only offers so much.
Until next time.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
It's Been Awhile
It's been quite a while since I have written anything as three days after my last post we found out we are having another baby! Which we are very excited about. We already have names picked out and everything. While being pregnant is not my idea of a good time, we feel abundantly blessed that we get to have a new little person in our family. We also moved from Fresno, California to Bothell, Washington so Eric could start a new job at Trident Seafoods. We adore Washington. I told Eric if he ever takes me away from here I will pitch the biggest fit he has ever seen. Just kidding. But I would be very sad if we ever had to leave.
Between throwing up and packing/unpacking boxes I have let nearly all my writings fall to the wayside. I have written in my journal a few times but doing so has not gotten me any closer to my original goal of having a book written within a year. My initial response to not meeing my goals is to completely stop all efforts and tell myself that I will try again in some arbitrary amount of time. As is to be expected, this approach leaves me at the exact same place I started. This habit must change if I want a different result then what I have been getting. Since I find quotes to be a useful tool I have made the following by Mary Pickford my new mantra;
"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down."
I shall once again take up my pen (or keyboard) and write.
I have tried writing about a couple of different topics but since I have the Olympics on in the background all I can think about is the Olympics. I am amazed at the talent and discipline all of these athletes possess. Especially the teenage gymnasts. These athletes are a great example of what, I believe, every person has the ability to accomplish in their lifetime. Obviously we cannot all be Olympians but we can devote our time and talents to achieving worthwhile goals. Goals which will be different for each person. Goals that when reached, will probably not bring home a gold medal or a trophy. My goals are to; raise children who love the gospel and who love their fellow men, to have a book published, to run a marathon, to learn how to sew beautiful dresses, to overcome my constant worry about me weight, to be able to start a conversation with anyone and leave with a new friend, to make one loaf of challa bread and the list goes on..I am at the beginning stages of all of these goals but I figure ten years will pass regardless of what I do with my time and I can either be closer to these goals, hopefully I will have reached a couple, or I can be exactly where I am today.
I have always loved watching and competing in athletic events. Watching the swimmers jump off the blocks reminded me of when I used to swim. My first year on the swim team I was absolutely terrible! I didn't jump off the blocks so much as I belly flopped off the blocks. I was laughing so hard as I tried to act it out for Eric that I had drool coming out of mouth. There was one race when I forgot what stroke I was supposed to be doing so I started to sink to the bottom until I could remember for fear of doing the wrong kick and being disqualified. Not that I was expected to come in any place but last but...still. Even though I was a horrible swimmer I still went to practice every day and I still tried my best. I received the "Most Inspirational," award that season which is the nice way of saying, "You are not any good but you gave it a good shot and, oh by the way, thanks for the entertainment." So true.
After high school I started swimming again and gradually forced myself to swim non-stop for ninety minutes a day at one point. Doing this, plus losing fifteen pounds, helped me run my fasted 10K time ever which was 44:15. Running faster is not a goal of eternal or even long term significance to most people. For me, though, for me it is. I learned that I can do much more than I think I can do and that plays into many aspects of my life. I encourage everyone to set some realistic and some far reaching goals while keeping in mind that life does not always go the way we plan and setbacks happen. All the time. To everyone. It is so easy to write that worthwhile goals take time and to just keep working. In reality discouragement can be quite difficult to overcome since it always seems to speak a little louder than encouragement. My advice, which I should heed more often, is to pray. In your mind, on your knees, out loud in the car. Wherever and whenever. God wants us to succeed. We are, after all, His children.
Between throwing up and packing/unpacking boxes I have let nearly all my writings fall to the wayside. I have written in my journal a few times but doing so has not gotten me any closer to my original goal of having a book written within a year. My initial response to not meeing my goals is to completely stop all efforts and tell myself that I will try again in some arbitrary amount of time. As is to be expected, this approach leaves me at the exact same place I started. This habit must change if I want a different result then what I have been getting. Since I find quotes to be a useful tool I have made the following by Mary Pickford my new mantra;
"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down."
I shall once again take up my pen (or keyboard) and write.
I have tried writing about a couple of different topics but since I have the Olympics on in the background all I can think about is the Olympics. I am amazed at the talent and discipline all of these athletes possess. Especially the teenage gymnasts. These athletes are a great example of what, I believe, every person has the ability to accomplish in their lifetime. Obviously we cannot all be Olympians but we can devote our time and talents to achieving worthwhile goals. Goals which will be different for each person. Goals that when reached, will probably not bring home a gold medal or a trophy. My goals are to; raise children who love the gospel and who love their fellow men, to have a book published, to run a marathon, to learn how to sew beautiful dresses, to overcome my constant worry about me weight, to be able to start a conversation with anyone and leave with a new friend, to make one loaf of challa bread and the list goes on..I am at the beginning stages of all of these goals but I figure ten years will pass regardless of what I do with my time and I can either be closer to these goals, hopefully I will have reached a couple, or I can be exactly where I am today.
I have always loved watching and competing in athletic events. Watching the swimmers jump off the blocks reminded me of when I used to swim. My first year on the swim team I was absolutely terrible! I didn't jump off the blocks so much as I belly flopped off the blocks. I was laughing so hard as I tried to act it out for Eric that I had drool coming out of mouth. There was one race when I forgot what stroke I was supposed to be doing so I started to sink to the bottom until I could remember for fear of doing the wrong kick and being disqualified. Not that I was expected to come in any place but last but...still. Even though I was a horrible swimmer I still went to practice every day and I still tried my best. I received the "Most Inspirational," award that season which is the nice way of saying, "You are not any good but you gave it a good shot and, oh by the way, thanks for the entertainment." So true.
After high school I started swimming again and gradually forced myself to swim non-stop for ninety minutes a day at one point. Doing this, plus losing fifteen pounds, helped me run my fasted 10K time ever which was 44:15. Running faster is not a goal of eternal or even long term significance to most people. For me, though, for me it is. I learned that I can do much more than I think I can do and that plays into many aspects of my life. I encourage everyone to set some realistic and some far reaching goals while keeping in mind that life does not always go the way we plan and setbacks happen. All the time. To everyone. It is so easy to write that worthwhile goals take time and to just keep working. In reality discouragement can be quite difficult to overcome since it always seems to speak a little louder than encouragement. My advice, which I should heed more often, is to pray. In your mind, on your knees, out loud in the car. Wherever and whenever. God wants us to succeed. We are, after all, His children.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Waiting upon the Lord
This past Sunday, a wonderful sister in our ward gave a lesson based on Elder Robert D. Hales talk, Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done. (October 2011 General Conference) I was particularly touched by this reminder because all too often I expect the good Lord to wait on me: My Will Be Done, even though there have been many instances where I can see that my will would not have gotten me anywhere near where I want to be. The most prominent example I remind myself of is finding my husband. There were several gentlemen before him that I thought would work out perfectly. I was sure that I had met the ONE. My heart would break every time a relationship or potential relationship did not work out. I thought how torturous a process dating was and that I should be exempt from the process because my poor little heart could not take so much. In retrospect the lessons I learned in previous relationships have helped me to be a better wife and mother. I also learned what I was willing to live with and what I was not. For instance, I learned that I was not compatible with a person who is content to only play video games and watch television in their free time. Video games especially, is not an activity I enjoy, I find it to be a complete waste of time, and I wanted to be with someone who had similar interests to mine. Eric does like to play video games but I don't have to pry him away to spend time with me and Bruce and playing video games is at the bottom of his priority list. He does play his games on occasion but doing so is not an obsession. Thank goodness for all of us! Now that I am married I can see what the Lord already knew; I would not be happy in a marriage where I came second to games and fantasy lands. (I do realize there are many people who enjoy a hearty dose of video gaming who do not put their family second, I am simply referring to my own experience.)
On a deeper level I struggle with having a stable mood, and have had this issue since my early teens. I hate it. I have prayed for it to go away, I have tried to live perfectly so that it would go away, I have tried medication and counseling and doctors and on and on and on and it still will not go away, but it can be handled. Only a few weeks ago the thought came to me that as for the foreseeable future this trial is here to stay. But, I can do all the things I have learned to do to manage the often tumultuous waters. In order for my mood to remain somewhat stable I must: (and when I use the word must I truly mean must, I have no option not to if I want to keep my wits about me) exercise 5-6 times a week, get 7-9 hours of sleep, eat healthy as any overdose on sugar and fat is a one way ticket to Crazy Town, attend my church meeting, say my prayers as to have the discipline to keep doing what I have to do, write in my journal 4-7 times a week, live in a clean home as clutter and messes tend to make my nerves crawl and so forth. Makes me tired just writing these things down. Instead of being angry with the Lord, as I have often been, for not making my trial disappear. I can see that He has given me many ways to have the strength to deal with it. One of the greatest strengths he has given me is my dear Eric. He does not get mad at me or frustrated when he has no idea why I am upset or angry, he just tells me he loves me and gives me a hug. Many times once he says those words my heart stops racing and my thoughts slow down and I am able to gather my senses. I have been more stable since being with Eric then I was at any time before meeting him. He tells me everyday how happy he is to be married to me and how he is the luckiest man in the world, but truly I am the lucky one. Like so many trials that come I may never know, why me? And I suppose if God wanted me to know, I would. When this particular trial seems to have lightened for a time it is so easy to say that, yes, I will wait on the Lord. Of course He knows what He is doing. But during the hard times when it feels as though someone has reached down your throat with a nail covered glove and is pulling your soul out while shredding your heart in the process, remembering to wait on the Lord is a bit more difficult. Having a positive perspective can do wonders. I think Elder Hales said it best:
For anyone who would like to read Elder Robert D. Hales talk here is a link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/waiting-upon-the-lord-thy-will-be-done?lang=eng
On a deeper level I struggle with having a stable mood, and have had this issue since my early teens. I hate it. I have prayed for it to go away, I have tried to live perfectly so that it would go away, I have tried medication and counseling and doctors and on and on and on and it still will not go away, but it can be handled. Only a few weeks ago the thought came to me that as for the foreseeable future this trial is here to stay. But, I can do all the things I have learned to do to manage the often tumultuous waters. In order for my mood to remain somewhat stable I must: (and when I use the word must I truly mean must, I have no option not to if I want to keep my wits about me) exercise 5-6 times a week, get 7-9 hours of sleep, eat healthy as any overdose on sugar and fat is a one way ticket to Crazy Town, attend my church meeting, say my prayers as to have the discipline to keep doing what I have to do, write in my journal 4-7 times a week, live in a clean home as clutter and messes tend to make my nerves crawl and so forth. Makes me tired just writing these things down. Instead of being angry with the Lord, as I have often been, for not making my trial disappear. I can see that He has given me many ways to have the strength to deal with it. One of the greatest strengths he has given me is my dear Eric. He does not get mad at me or frustrated when he has no idea why I am upset or angry, he just tells me he loves me and gives me a hug. Many times once he says those words my heart stops racing and my thoughts slow down and I am able to gather my senses. I have been more stable since being with Eric then I was at any time before meeting him. He tells me everyday how happy he is to be married to me and how he is the luckiest man in the world, but truly I am the lucky one. Like so many trials that come I may never know, why me? And I suppose if God wanted me to know, I would. When this particular trial seems to have lightened for a time it is so easy to say that, yes, I will wait on the Lord. Of course He knows what He is doing. But during the hard times when it feels as though someone has reached down your throat with a nail covered glove and is pulling your soul out while shredding your heart in the process, remembering to wait on the Lord is a bit more difficult. Having a positive perspective can do wonders. I think Elder Hales said it best:
As we ask these questions, we realize that the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences. How do we do this? The scriptures give us an answer in one simple phrase: we “wait upon the Lord.”12 Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, “all these things shall [be for our] experience, and … [our] good.”13
Does this mean we will always understand our challenges? Won’t all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, “O God, where art thou?”14 Yes! When a spouse dies, a companion will wonder. When financial hardship befalls a family, a father will ask. When children wander from the path, a mother and father will cry out in sorrow. Yes, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”15 Then, in the dawn of our increased faith and understanding, we arise and choose to wait upon the Lord, saying, “Thy will be done.”16
For anyone who would like to read Elder Robert D. Hales talk here is a link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/waiting-upon-the-lord-thy-will-be-done?lang=eng
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Gratitude
Whenever I sit back and realize how much I have been blessed in my life I find that I have an added measure of happiness. While I was scrubbing the bathtub this afternoon I decided I would begin a list of everything I am grateful for in my life, in no particular order;
My husband - he loves me and I love him and we get along 99% of the time
Bruce - he is the most precious little redheaded heffalump in the world
Health - since I was sick for the better part of my pregnancy I realized how fortunate I am to be in general good health
Cleaning Supplies - I detest grossness ie; mold, dust, the smell of clothes that need to be washed, ect. I love my cleaning supplies.
The fridge
Electricity
Shampoo and Conditioner
Sewing Machine
Car
Eric's job
Health insurance
The ability to read and write
Math
Cameras
Dresses
Swimsuits
Shoes
Colors and the ability to see all colors
flowers
Trees
Herbs
The stove
Recipes
Christmas
Easter
Halloween
Superheros
blankets
Books
Money - although we do not have a lot we have enough for our needs and we want for nothing.
Forgivness - both the ability to forgive another and to be forgiven by another
The ability to change
The daily opportunity to be a little better than I have been. Good thing, too, because I have been impatient for 25 years now with little improvement.
Brothers
Sisters
Parents
Grandparents
Hugs
Dexterity
the determination to exercise everyday and take care of my body. I realize that doing so does not come as easily to others as it does to me.
Friends that make me laugh and cry.
pearls
My wedding ring
Prayer
Fingernails and toenails
Freckles
the ability to bare children
Travel; trains, cars, airplanes, bicylces
Cats - I plan on having another blue russian kitty at some point. Probably after I am done having children. So in like ten years.
Dogs - I love dogs. LOVE them. Most of them. I don't like yippy or mean dogs.
The tendency to gain weight easily - this taught me how to take care of myself at a fairly early age.
Being super sensitive - I can be sensitive to the situations of others as I myself am easily hurt or affected by many things.
Doors
My bed
walls
carpet
air conditioning
heating
Toothbrushes/toothpaste/flouride/floss - oral hygiene is right up there with my cleaning supplies
Goals
Glasses
Paint
Drawing pencils
paper
Bruce's scream - at least I know when something is wrong
Bruce's laugh - at least I know when something is right
hiking
chocolate - it is one of my basic food groups
clean water
fingernail polish
the sassy old ladies at church
the funny old men at church
everyone else at church
rocks
soil
the ability to hear
make-up
saphires
amathysts
gold
silver
ribbon
rope
the ability to make stuff
sleep
medicine
vitamins
curling iron
my nieces and nephews - I have four of each
There is much more to add, but Bruce is very upset so I must be going.
My husband - he loves me and I love him and we get along 99% of the time
Bruce - he is the most precious little redheaded heffalump in the world
Health - since I was sick for the better part of my pregnancy I realized how fortunate I am to be in general good health
Cleaning Supplies - I detest grossness ie; mold, dust, the smell of clothes that need to be washed, ect. I love my cleaning supplies.
The fridge
Electricity
Shampoo and Conditioner
Sewing Machine
Car
Eric's job
Health insurance
The ability to read and write
Math
Cameras
Dresses
Swimsuits
Shoes
Colors and the ability to see all colors
flowers
Trees
Herbs
The stove
Recipes
Christmas
Easter
Halloween
Superheros
blankets
Books
Money - although we do not have a lot we have enough for our needs and we want for nothing.
Forgivness - both the ability to forgive another and to be forgiven by another
The ability to change
The daily opportunity to be a little better than I have been. Good thing, too, because I have been impatient for 25 years now with little improvement.
Brothers
Sisters
Parents
Grandparents
Hugs
Dexterity
the determination to exercise everyday and take care of my body. I realize that doing so does not come as easily to others as it does to me.
Friends that make me laugh and cry.
pearls
My wedding ring
Prayer
Fingernails and toenails
Freckles
the ability to bare children
Travel; trains, cars, airplanes, bicylces
Cats - I plan on having another blue russian kitty at some point. Probably after I am done having children. So in like ten years.
Dogs - I love dogs. LOVE them. Most of them. I don't like yippy or mean dogs.
The tendency to gain weight easily - this taught me how to take care of myself at a fairly early age.
Being super sensitive - I can be sensitive to the situations of others as I myself am easily hurt or affected by many things.
Doors
My bed
walls
carpet
air conditioning
heating
Toothbrushes/toothpaste/flouride/floss - oral hygiene is right up there with my cleaning supplies
Goals
Glasses
Paint
Drawing pencils
paper
Bruce's scream - at least I know when something is wrong
Bruce's laugh - at least I know when something is right
hiking
chocolate - it is one of my basic food groups
clean water
fingernail polish
the sassy old ladies at church
the funny old men at church
everyone else at church
rocks
soil
the ability to hear
make-up
saphires
amathysts
gold
silver
ribbon
rope
the ability to make stuff
sleep
medicine
vitamins
curling iron
my nieces and nephews - I have four of each
There is much more to add, but Bruce is very upset so I must be going.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Reflection
When I look in the mirror I am not always excited by what I see. As I have mentioned in previous posts, most days my hair is up in some whoopdy doo and I rarely put make-up on when I have no plans to leave the house. I love putting on make-up and doing my hair but sometimes when Bruce takes a nap and I have time to do such things I prefer to do the dishes or write or clean the bathroom or fold the laundry or knit. Thankfully I have been blessed with pretty fantastic hair, so even when I take less then thirty seconds to put it up it still looks done due to its natural curl and not-so-natural reddish hue. (My hair is half gray. No exaggeration.) I have allowed myself on many occasions to lament about one thing or another in regards to my reflection. Examples; my waist doesn't go in enough, my shoulders are too broad, I have a hundred freckles on one patch of skin alone, two of my toes are webbed, and on and on. The thought struck me the other day that although the outward may not always look like I want it to, especially during, and the few months after, pregnancy, but the inside is coming along quite nicely. I am not suggesting that I am without faults and shortcomings. I have many. However, I can say that I am at peace with who I am. This may seem like a trite or empty statement but let me explain where I am coming from. My biological mother raised me, my older brother and my older sister for several years. She left and signed over her parental rights, for whatever reason, when I was five and my siblings were six and seven. She then chose to go on and have four more children with a different man. I don't know why she did what she did and I am not saying she is a bad person because of it. I find her decision abhorrent and it is beyond me how she lives with herself, but again, it is not my place to judge her as I am sure, and I almost hope, that she has lived in her own personal hell since she left. I say I almost hope because I want to believe that I meant something to her and if she has suffered beneath the weight of her decision then maybe she really did care. As a child I thought she left because of me. Even as an adult I can look back and see that obviously she had her own demons to deal with and her decision had nothing to do with anything I could have possibly done. Nonetheless, I have a tendency to still think that everything was and is my fault. I used to pull my hair out when I was little because I thought I deserved it. I thought I was so naughty and unlovable that I deserved to be in pain all the time, whether emotional or physical. I thought that the outside of me and the inside of me were both equally awful and ugly. I have struggled with these feelings for years and now it has dimmed to a constant feeling of inadequacy. Thank goodness. I don't share this in an attempt for pity. It has been a very real and influential part of my life. I share this to illustrate how far I have come when I can honestly write down the words, "the inside is coming along quite nicely." I like to think that for the most part I am a nice person. I try to be sympathetic to the needs of others. I enjoy making things for people and listening to their stories, although sometimes I am probably guilty of talking more than I listen. I love to laugh and have fun. I married a man who is closer to a saint than I will ever be and we have a beautiful baby boy. I have many wonderful friends and I talk with all of my siblings. I love to learn new things. I have faith in God and I can see His hand in my life. I am at peace with who I am and where I am going. Inner peace is such a blessing. It does no mean that everything goes according to plan. It does not mean that life can't be one setback after another from time to time. But it does mean that I am healing, I am improving and that my life was meant to be filled with joy. My appearance may bother me from time to time but I'm a normal woman. Far worse would it be, and I know from experience, if I did not like who I was on the inside.
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