I am not generally a celebrator of my own accomplishments. I am a do-er by nature and so when one thing is done, even when it was finishing all of my anatomy and kinesiology classes or competing in a triathlon, it is on to the next task. In an attempt to enjoy the process I am celebrating my progress on my book! I decided that every day I will write at least one entire page, no matter how brilliant or awful. And so I have. I am excited about the direction my story is taking and I am getting better at showing my points through my characters instead of allowing the narrative voice to state all my points, which have made all of my past stories something closer to an opinion essay.
While attending the University of Oregon I took a creative writing workshop where every student wrote three stories over the course of the term and we all read and critiqued each others stories. (There were maybe eight people in the class.) Since I was nineteen at the time I'm pretty sure I left every class where my work was critiqued, crying. While I was traumatized then, I am thankful for the critique now because I remember, quite well, the overwhelming amount of comments in regard to how my story telling can and should be improved. First, as a fore mentioned, if I want my story to have a point show that point through the characters. Second, don't assume that because a transition makes sense in my mind that the transition is obvious to my readers. Give as much detail as necessary and possible. Third, and this is my favorite, every character needs a background whether you include the background in your story or not. When a character has a background you don't have to spend so much time thinking about their reaction to a situation because just as with real people, it should be pretty predictable.
I gave also been reading, On Writing Well, by William Zinsser. The whole book is full of applicable advice and my favorite thus far is; "The secret to good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components. Every word that serves no function, every long word that could be a short word, every adverb that carries the same meaning that's already in the verb, every passive construction that leaves the reader unsure of who is doing what - these are the thousand and one adulterants that weaken the strength of a sentence." (pg.7) After reading this it dawned on me how guilty I am of adding extra words. My most used being; just, such, quite, very, a bit, obviously and so on. I have so much editing that needs to be done that thinking about it is enough discouragement to stop me from writing. But I shall press forward. As Mr. Zinsser says, "If you find that writing is hard, it's because it is hard."(pg.9)
I will also begin doing writing prompts once or twice a week to get my imagination and creative juices flowing more freely as they have been stagnant for sometime. If anyone has a good writing prompt to share, please do so! The Internet only offers so much.
Until next time.
My Motivation
My little Bruce Bug
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
It's Been Awhile
It's been quite a while since I have written anything as three days after my last post we found out we are having another baby! Which we are very excited about. We already have names picked out and everything. While being pregnant is not my idea of a good time, we feel abundantly blessed that we get to have a new little person in our family. We also moved from Fresno, California to Bothell, Washington so Eric could start a new job at Trident Seafoods. We adore Washington. I told Eric if he ever takes me away from here I will pitch the biggest fit he has ever seen. Just kidding. But I would be very sad if we ever had to leave.
Between throwing up and packing/unpacking boxes I have let nearly all my writings fall to the wayside. I have written in my journal a few times but doing so has not gotten me any closer to my original goal of having a book written within a year. My initial response to not meeing my goals is to completely stop all efforts and tell myself that I will try again in some arbitrary amount of time. As is to be expected, this approach leaves me at the exact same place I started. This habit must change if I want a different result then what I have been getting. Since I find quotes to be a useful tool I have made the following by Mary Pickford my new mantra;
"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down."
I shall once again take up my pen (or keyboard) and write.
I have tried writing about a couple of different topics but since I have the Olympics on in the background all I can think about is the Olympics. I am amazed at the talent and discipline all of these athletes possess. Especially the teenage gymnasts. These athletes are a great example of what, I believe, every person has the ability to accomplish in their lifetime. Obviously we cannot all be Olympians but we can devote our time and talents to achieving worthwhile goals. Goals which will be different for each person. Goals that when reached, will probably not bring home a gold medal or a trophy. My goals are to; raise children who love the gospel and who love their fellow men, to have a book published, to run a marathon, to learn how to sew beautiful dresses, to overcome my constant worry about me weight, to be able to start a conversation with anyone and leave with a new friend, to make one loaf of challa bread and the list goes on..I am at the beginning stages of all of these goals but I figure ten years will pass regardless of what I do with my time and I can either be closer to these goals, hopefully I will have reached a couple, or I can be exactly where I am today.
I have always loved watching and competing in athletic events. Watching the swimmers jump off the blocks reminded me of when I used to swim. My first year on the swim team I was absolutely terrible! I didn't jump off the blocks so much as I belly flopped off the blocks. I was laughing so hard as I tried to act it out for Eric that I had drool coming out of mouth. There was one race when I forgot what stroke I was supposed to be doing so I started to sink to the bottom until I could remember for fear of doing the wrong kick and being disqualified. Not that I was expected to come in any place but last but...still. Even though I was a horrible swimmer I still went to practice every day and I still tried my best. I received the "Most Inspirational," award that season which is the nice way of saying, "You are not any good but you gave it a good shot and, oh by the way, thanks for the entertainment." So true.
After high school I started swimming again and gradually forced myself to swim non-stop for ninety minutes a day at one point. Doing this, plus losing fifteen pounds, helped me run my fasted 10K time ever which was 44:15. Running faster is not a goal of eternal or even long term significance to most people. For me, though, for me it is. I learned that I can do much more than I think I can do and that plays into many aspects of my life. I encourage everyone to set some realistic and some far reaching goals while keeping in mind that life does not always go the way we plan and setbacks happen. All the time. To everyone. It is so easy to write that worthwhile goals take time and to just keep working. In reality discouragement can be quite difficult to overcome since it always seems to speak a little louder than encouragement. My advice, which I should heed more often, is to pray. In your mind, on your knees, out loud in the car. Wherever and whenever. God wants us to succeed. We are, after all, His children.
Between throwing up and packing/unpacking boxes I have let nearly all my writings fall to the wayside. I have written in my journal a few times but doing so has not gotten me any closer to my original goal of having a book written within a year. My initial response to not meeing my goals is to completely stop all efforts and tell myself that I will try again in some arbitrary amount of time. As is to be expected, this approach leaves me at the exact same place I started. This habit must change if I want a different result then what I have been getting. Since I find quotes to be a useful tool I have made the following by Mary Pickford my new mantra;
"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down."
I shall once again take up my pen (or keyboard) and write.
I have tried writing about a couple of different topics but since I have the Olympics on in the background all I can think about is the Olympics. I am amazed at the talent and discipline all of these athletes possess. Especially the teenage gymnasts. These athletes are a great example of what, I believe, every person has the ability to accomplish in their lifetime. Obviously we cannot all be Olympians but we can devote our time and talents to achieving worthwhile goals. Goals which will be different for each person. Goals that when reached, will probably not bring home a gold medal or a trophy. My goals are to; raise children who love the gospel and who love their fellow men, to have a book published, to run a marathon, to learn how to sew beautiful dresses, to overcome my constant worry about me weight, to be able to start a conversation with anyone and leave with a new friend, to make one loaf of challa bread and the list goes on..I am at the beginning stages of all of these goals but I figure ten years will pass regardless of what I do with my time and I can either be closer to these goals, hopefully I will have reached a couple, or I can be exactly where I am today.
I have always loved watching and competing in athletic events. Watching the swimmers jump off the blocks reminded me of when I used to swim. My first year on the swim team I was absolutely terrible! I didn't jump off the blocks so much as I belly flopped off the blocks. I was laughing so hard as I tried to act it out for Eric that I had drool coming out of mouth. There was one race when I forgot what stroke I was supposed to be doing so I started to sink to the bottom until I could remember for fear of doing the wrong kick and being disqualified. Not that I was expected to come in any place but last but...still. Even though I was a horrible swimmer I still went to practice every day and I still tried my best. I received the "Most Inspirational," award that season which is the nice way of saying, "You are not any good but you gave it a good shot and, oh by the way, thanks for the entertainment." So true.
After high school I started swimming again and gradually forced myself to swim non-stop for ninety minutes a day at one point. Doing this, plus losing fifteen pounds, helped me run my fasted 10K time ever which was 44:15. Running faster is not a goal of eternal or even long term significance to most people. For me, though, for me it is. I learned that I can do much more than I think I can do and that plays into many aspects of my life. I encourage everyone to set some realistic and some far reaching goals while keeping in mind that life does not always go the way we plan and setbacks happen. All the time. To everyone. It is so easy to write that worthwhile goals take time and to just keep working. In reality discouragement can be quite difficult to overcome since it always seems to speak a little louder than encouragement. My advice, which I should heed more often, is to pray. In your mind, on your knees, out loud in the car. Wherever and whenever. God wants us to succeed. We are, after all, His children.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Waiting upon the Lord
This past Sunday, a wonderful sister in our ward gave a lesson based on Elder Robert D. Hales talk, Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done. (October 2011 General Conference) I was particularly touched by this reminder because all too often I expect the good Lord to wait on me: My Will Be Done, even though there have been many instances where I can see that my will would not have gotten me anywhere near where I want to be. The most prominent example I remind myself of is finding my husband. There were several gentlemen before him that I thought would work out perfectly. I was sure that I had met the ONE. My heart would break every time a relationship or potential relationship did not work out. I thought how torturous a process dating was and that I should be exempt from the process because my poor little heart could not take so much. In retrospect the lessons I learned in previous relationships have helped me to be a better wife and mother. I also learned what I was willing to live with and what I was not. For instance, I learned that I was not compatible with a person who is content to only play video games and watch television in their free time. Video games especially, is not an activity I enjoy, I find it to be a complete waste of time, and I wanted to be with someone who had similar interests to mine. Eric does like to play video games but I don't have to pry him away to spend time with me and Bruce and playing video games is at the bottom of his priority list. He does play his games on occasion but doing so is not an obsession. Thank goodness for all of us! Now that I am married I can see what the Lord already knew; I would not be happy in a marriage where I came second to games and fantasy lands. (I do realize there are many people who enjoy a hearty dose of video gaming who do not put their family second, I am simply referring to my own experience.)
On a deeper level I struggle with having a stable mood, and have had this issue since my early teens. I hate it. I have prayed for it to go away, I have tried to live perfectly so that it would go away, I have tried medication and counseling and doctors and on and on and on and it still will not go away, but it can be handled. Only a few weeks ago the thought came to me that as for the foreseeable future this trial is here to stay. But, I can do all the things I have learned to do to manage the often tumultuous waters. In order for my mood to remain somewhat stable I must: (and when I use the word must I truly mean must, I have no option not to if I want to keep my wits about me) exercise 5-6 times a week, get 7-9 hours of sleep, eat healthy as any overdose on sugar and fat is a one way ticket to Crazy Town, attend my church meeting, say my prayers as to have the discipline to keep doing what I have to do, write in my journal 4-7 times a week, live in a clean home as clutter and messes tend to make my nerves crawl and so forth. Makes me tired just writing these things down. Instead of being angry with the Lord, as I have often been, for not making my trial disappear. I can see that He has given me many ways to have the strength to deal with it. One of the greatest strengths he has given me is my dear Eric. He does not get mad at me or frustrated when he has no idea why I am upset or angry, he just tells me he loves me and gives me a hug. Many times once he says those words my heart stops racing and my thoughts slow down and I am able to gather my senses. I have been more stable since being with Eric then I was at any time before meeting him. He tells me everyday how happy he is to be married to me and how he is the luckiest man in the world, but truly I am the lucky one. Like so many trials that come I may never know, why me? And I suppose if God wanted me to know, I would. When this particular trial seems to have lightened for a time it is so easy to say that, yes, I will wait on the Lord. Of course He knows what He is doing. But during the hard times when it feels as though someone has reached down your throat with a nail covered glove and is pulling your soul out while shredding your heart in the process, remembering to wait on the Lord is a bit more difficult. Having a positive perspective can do wonders. I think Elder Hales said it best:
For anyone who would like to read Elder Robert D. Hales talk here is a link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/waiting-upon-the-lord-thy-will-be-done?lang=eng
On a deeper level I struggle with having a stable mood, and have had this issue since my early teens. I hate it. I have prayed for it to go away, I have tried to live perfectly so that it would go away, I have tried medication and counseling and doctors and on and on and on and it still will not go away, but it can be handled. Only a few weeks ago the thought came to me that as for the foreseeable future this trial is here to stay. But, I can do all the things I have learned to do to manage the often tumultuous waters. In order for my mood to remain somewhat stable I must: (and when I use the word must I truly mean must, I have no option not to if I want to keep my wits about me) exercise 5-6 times a week, get 7-9 hours of sleep, eat healthy as any overdose on sugar and fat is a one way ticket to Crazy Town, attend my church meeting, say my prayers as to have the discipline to keep doing what I have to do, write in my journal 4-7 times a week, live in a clean home as clutter and messes tend to make my nerves crawl and so forth. Makes me tired just writing these things down. Instead of being angry with the Lord, as I have often been, for not making my trial disappear. I can see that He has given me many ways to have the strength to deal with it. One of the greatest strengths he has given me is my dear Eric. He does not get mad at me or frustrated when he has no idea why I am upset or angry, he just tells me he loves me and gives me a hug. Many times once he says those words my heart stops racing and my thoughts slow down and I am able to gather my senses. I have been more stable since being with Eric then I was at any time before meeting him. He tells me everyday how happy he is to be married to me and how he is the luckiest man in the world, but truly I am the lucky one. Like so many trials that come I may never know, why me? And I suppose if God wanted me to know, I would. When this particular trial seems to have lightened for a time it is so easy to say that, yes, I will wait on the Lord. Of course He knows what He is doing. But during the hard times when it feels as though someone has reached down your throat with a nail covered glove and is pulling your soul out while shredding your heart in the process, remembering to wait on the Lord is a bit more difficult. Having a positive perspective can do wonders. I think Elder Hales said it best:
As we ask these questions, we realize that the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences. How do we do this? The scriptures give us an answer in one simple phrase: we “wait upon the Lord.”12 Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, “all these things shall [be for our] experience, and … [our] good.”13
Does this mean we will always understand our challenges? Won’t all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, “O God, where art thou?”14 Yes! When a spouse dies, a companion will wonder. When financial hardship befalls a family, a father will ask. When children wander from the path, a mother and father will cry out in sorrow. Yes, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”15 Then, in the dawn of our increased faith and understanding, we arise and choose to wait upon the Lord, saying, “Thy will be done.”16
For anyone who would like to read Elder Robert D. Hales talk here is a link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/waiting-upon-the-lord-thy-will-be-done?lang=eng
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Gratitude
Whenever I sit back and realize how much I have been blessed in my life I find that I have an added measure of happiness. While I was scrubbing the bathtub this afternoon I decided I would begin a list of everything I am grateful for in my life, in no particular order;
My husband - he loves me and I love him and we get along 99% of the time
Bruce - he is the most precious little redheaded heffalump in the world
Health - since I was sick for the better part of my pregnancy I realized how fortunate I am to be in general good health
Cleaning Supplies - I detest grossness ie; mold, dust, the smell of clothes that need to be washed, ect. I love my cleaning supplies.
The fridge
Electricity
Shampoo and Conditioner
Sewing Machine
Car
Eric's job
Health insurance
The ability to read and write
Math
Cameras
Dresses
Swimsuits
Shoes
Colors and the ability to see all colors
flowers
Trees
Herbs
The stove
Recipes
Christmas
Easter
Halloween
Superheros
blankets
Books
Money - although we do not have a lot we have enough for our needs and we want for nothing.
Forgivness - both the ability to forgive another and to be forgiven by another
The ability to change
The daily opportunity to be a little better than I have been. Good thing, too, because I have been impatient for 25 years now with little improvement.
Brothers
Sisters
Parents
Grandparents
Hugs
Dexterity
the determination to exercise everyday and take care of my body. I realize that doing so does not come as easily to others as it does to me.
Friends that make me laugh and cry.
pearls
My wedding ring
Prayer
Fingernails and toenails
Freckles
the ability to bare children
Travel; trains, cars, airplanes, bicylces
Cats - I plan on having another blue russian kitty at some point. Probably after I am done having children. So in like ten years.
Dogs - I love dogs. LOVE them. Most of them. I don't like yippy or mean dogs.
The tendency to gain weight easily - this taught me how to take care of myself at a fairly early age.
Being super sensitive - I can be sensitive to the situations of others as I myself am easily hurt or affected by many things.
Doors
My bed
walls
carpet
air conditioning
heating
Toothbrushes/toothpaste/flouride/floss - oral hygiene is right up there with my cleaning supplies
Goals
Glasses
Paint
Drawing pencils
paper
Bruce's scream - at least I know when something is wrong
Bruce's laugh - at least I know when something is right
hiking
chocolate - it is one of my basic food groups
clean water
fingernail polish
the sassy old ladies at church
the funny old men at church
everyone else at church
rocks
soil
the ability to hear
make-up
saphires
amathysts
gold
silver
ribbon
rope
the ability to make stuff
sleep
medicine
vitamins
curling iron
my nieces and nephews - I have four of each
There is much more to add, but Bruce is very upset so I must be going.
My husband - he loves me and I love him and we get along 99% of the time
Bruce - he is the most precious little redheaded heffalump in the world
Health - since I was sick for the better part of my pregnancy I realized how fortunate I am to be in general good health
Cleaning Supplies - I detest grossness ie; mold, dust, the smell of clothes that need to be washed, ect. I love my cleaning supplies.
The fridge
Electricity
Shampoo and Conditioner
Sewing Machine
Car
Eric's job
Health insurance
The ability to read and write
Math
Cameras
Dresses
Swimsuits
Shoes
Colors and the ability to see all colors
flowers
Trees
Herbs
The stove
Recipes
Christmas
Easter
Halloween
Superheros
blankets
Books
Money - although we do not have a lot we have enough for our needs and we want for nothing.
Forgivness - both the ability to forgive another and to be forgiven by another
The ability to change
The daily opportunity to be a little better than I have been. Good thing, too, because I have been impatient for 25 years now with little improvement.
Brothers
Sisters
Parents
Grandparents
Hugs
Dexterity
the determination to exercise everyday and take care of my body. I realize that doing so does not come as easily to others as it does to me.
Friends that make me laugh and cry.
pearls
My wedding ring
Prayer
Fingernails and toenails
Freckles
the ability to bare children
Travel; trains, cars, airplanes, bicylces
Cats - I plan on having another blue russian kitty at some point. Probably after I am done having children. So in like ten years.
Dogs - I love dogs. LOVE them. Most of them. I don't like yippy or mean dogs.
The tendency to gain weight easily - this taught me how to take care of myself at a fairly early age.
Being super sensitive - I can be sensitive to the situations of others as I myself am easily hurt or affected by many things.
Doors
My bed
walls
carpet
air conditioning
heating
Toothbrushes/toothpaste/flouride/floss - oral hygiene is right up there with my cleaning supplies
Goals
Glasses
Paint
Drawing pencils
paper
Bruce's scream - at least I know when something is wrong
Bruce's laugh - at least I know when something is right
hiking
chocolate - it is one of my basic food groups
clean water
fingernail polish
the sassy old ladies at church
the funny old men at church
everyone else at church
rocks
soil
the ability to hear
make-up
saphires
amathysts
gold
silver
ribbon
rope
the ability to make stuff
sleep
medicine
vitamins
curling iron
my nieces and nephews - I have four of each
There is much more to add, but Bruce is very upset so I must be going.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Reflection
When I look in the mirror I am not always excited by what I see. As I have mentioned in previous posts, most days my hair is up in some whoopdy doo and I rarely put make-up on when I have no plans to leave the house. I love putting on make-up and doing my hair but sometimes when Bruce takes a nap and I have time to do such things I prefer to do the dishes or write or clean the bathroom or fold the laundry or knit. Thankfully I have been blessed with pretty fantastic hair, so even when I take less then thirty seconds to put it up it still looks done due to its natural curl and not-so-natural reddish hue. (My hair is half gray. No exaggeration.) I have allowed myself on many occasions to lament about one thing or another in regards to my reflection. Examples; my waist doesn't go in enough, my shoulders are too broad, I have a hundred freckles on one patch of skin alone, two of my toes are webbed, and on and on. The thought struck me the other day that although the outward may not always look like I want it to, especially during, and the few months after, pregnancy, but the inside is coming along quite nicely. I am not suggesting that I am without faults and shortcomings. I have many. However, I can say that I am at peace with who I am. This may seem like a trite or empty statement but let me explain where I am coming from. My biological mother raised me, my older brother and my older sister for several years. She left and signed over her parental rights, for whatever reason, when I was five and my siblings were six and seven. She then chose to go on and have four more children with a different man. I don't know why she did what she did and I am not saying she is a bad person because of it. I find her decision abhorrent and it is beyond me how she lives with herself, but again, it is not my place to judge her as I am sure, and I almost hope, that she has lived in her own personal hell since she left. I say I almost hope because I want to believe that I meant something to her and if she has suffered beneath the weight of her decision then maybe she really did care. As a child I thought she left because of me. Even as an adult I can look back and see that obviously she had her own demons to deal with and her decision had nothing to do with anything I could have possibly done. Nonetheless, I have a tendency to still think that everything was and is my fault. I used to pull my hair out when I was little because I thought I deserved it. I thought I was so naughty and unlovable that I deserved to be in pain all the time, whether emotional or physical. I thought that the outside of me and the inside of me were both equally awful and ugly. I have struggled with these feelings for years and now it has dimmed to a constant feeling of inadequacy. Thank goodness. I don't share this in an attempt for pity. It has been a very real and influential part of my life. I share this to illustrate how far I have come when I can honestly write down the words, "the inside is coming along quite nicely." I like to think that for the most part I am a nice person. I try to be sympathetic to the needs of others. I enjoy making things for people and listening to their stories, although sometimes I am probably guilty of talking more than I listen. I love to laugh and have fun. I married a man who is closer to a saint than I will ever be and we have a beautiful baby boy. I have many wonderful friends and I talk with all of my siblings. I love to learn new things. I have faith in God and I can see His hand in my life. I am at peace with who I am and where I am going. Inner peace is such a blessing. It does no mean that everything goes according to plan. It does not mean that life can't be one setback after another from time to time. But it does mean that I am healing, I am improving and that my life was meant to be filled with joy. My appearance may bother me from time to time but I'm a normal woman. Far worse would it be, and I know from experience, if I did not like who I was on the inside.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Worth Keeping
When I move I throw away everything possible. I have not lived in the same house/apartment for more than a year and a half since I was thirteen years old and as a result I throw stuff away to make the moving process easier. Books go in the trash. Clothes. Food. Nick-knacks. I hate Nick-knacks. Anything and everything I don't see an immediate use for gets thrown away. My brother Eli loves to help me move because he always gets free stuff.
Side note: I married a pack rat. The next time we move might be the first time we have a real argument. Usually one or both of us is willing to budge on every issue...but probably not this one.
Anyhow, I was looking for an important document the other day and I noticed that there are a few things, besides my journals and pictures, I have always kept. As I was making a mental note of these items I realized they all had one thing in common; they were given to me by my little Grammy. She made me a brown plaque that says 'I love you' in about ten different languages. She gave me a star tile with a poem titled "Don't Quit" written on it. She bought me a pair of beautiful copper colored earrings. She has given me a very pretty stuffed bear, a picture of Jesus Christ, several books and a few other little do-dahs. As I mentioned before, I hate nick-knacks, but I can never bring myself to get rid of the little gifts she has given me. After a few minutes of thinking about why I cherish these little trinkets I realized that each gift was given during a particularly difficult week or month. (I lived with my Grammy and Grampy for a time as an adult.) My little Grammy knew that I needed to be reminded of how much she loved me. I wasn't always willing to hear the words, "I love you," and so she found another way to tell me. Long after she is gone, which I hope won't be for another hundred years, I will have reminders set around my house that my Grammy loves me. With her love comes the assurance that I am worthwhile, that I am smart, that I am kind, (just like in The Help!) that I am beautiful. She always says to me, "You know, you are so beautiful. And I don't just say that because I am your Grammy." I respond, "Yes you do Grammy," as I playfully roll my eyes and loop my arm through hers as we watch one of our mystery shows. We love watching mystery shows together. We used to watch CSI, Law and Order or Law and Order:Special Victims Unit every night before I went to bed. Grampy would always make us popcorn.
Side note: I married a pack rat. The next time we move might be the first time we have a real argument. Usually one or both of us is willing to budge on every issue...but probably not this one.
Anyhow, I was looking for an important document the other day and I noticed that there are a few things, besides my journals and pictures, I have always kept. As I was making a mental note of these items I realized they all had one thing in common; they were given to me by my little Grammy. She made me a brown plaque that says 'I love you' in about ten different languages. She gave me a star tile with a poem titled "Don't Quit" written on it. She bought me a pair of beautiful copper colored earrings. She has given me a very pretty stuffed bear, a picture of Jesus Christ, several books and a few other little do-dahs. As I mentioned before, I hate nick-knacks, but I can never bring myself to get rid of the little gifts she has given me. After a few minutes of thinking about why I cherish these little trinkets I realized that each gift was given during a particularly difficult week or month. (I lived with my Grammy and Grampy for a time as an adult.) My little Grammy knew that I needed to be reminded of how much she loved me. I wasn't always willing to hear the words, "I love you," and so she found another way to tell me. Long after she is gone, which I hope won't be for another hundred years, I will have reminders set around my house that my Grammy loves me. With her love comes the assurance that I am worthwhile, that I am smart, that I am kind, (just like in The Help!) that I am beautiful. She always says to me, "You know, you are so beautiful. And I don't just say that because I am your Grammy." I respond, "Yes you do Grammy," as I playfully roll my eyes and loop my arm through hers as we watch one of our mystery shows. We love watching mystery shows together. We used to watch CSI, Law and Order or Law and Order:Special Victims Unit every night before I went to bed. Grampy would always make us popcorn.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
My Hunky Husband
I still cannot quite figure out how I got so lucky. My husband is one of the most kind and patient people I have ever met. No exaggeration. My dear Aunt Kathi used to constantly talk to me about choosing a man who was capable of being head over heels in love with me. I heard what she said but I did not truly get it until I fell in love with Eric. Before meeting Eric I had a habit of choosing men that were not, for whatever reason, capable of being in love with me. While I was dating them I thought they were in love with me, but in retrospect they never were. They may have cared for me and even loved me but they were not in love with me. If they had been our relationships would have gone very differently. I hope that makes sense; the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.
My head is feeling a bit whoozy today, so for sake of keeping things simple I will list everything wonderful about Eric:
- he supports and encourages all of my dreams/goals
- he tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world, every day.
- he laughs at my jokes even though they are generally not funny.
- he takes care of Bruce whenever he is home because he wants to.
- he buys me pretty things every now and then. Sometimes when we are out shopping I will point out something cute and a week later he brings it home. Usually small things, like a headband or cheap earrings.
- he listens to me and gives more of a response then, "uh-huh."
- he rubs my feet or my back whenever I ask him too, even though I am the massage therapist.
- he always helps me make dinner
- he works out with me, even when he does not want to
- he calls his mother every Sunday
- he gets sad when I am sad and does everything he can to make it better
- when I was sick and pregnant he stopped making himself eggs, which he loves, because he knew the smell would make me throw up
- he doesn't get mad when I snoop through everything possible (emails/bank statements/phone) to find out what he is getting me for my birthday/christmas/easter/valentines day
- he knows Easter is my favorite holiday and last year I was too sick to do anything for him and I was sad. He went out and bought us each a basket and candy and brought it to me while I was laying in bed so I could put together an Easter basket for him.
- he always eats my cooking. Of course he eats everything..but still. Sometimes when I try new things I fail.
- he sings to Bruce
- when I ask him what he wants for his birthday he says, "I just want you to be happy," even though I am generally happy already.
- he stayed up all night long while I was in labor even though he is basically a zombie when he doesn't get sleep. I told him not to talk to me or hold my hand and he didn't. Even though he wanted to.
- He tells Bruce he has the most beautiful mother in the world.
- He takes me to the craft store all the time, even if we are just going to look around.
- he always helps out at church whenever anyone asks
- he looks just like his mother but acts just like his dad. His dad is hilarious, without meaning to be. I can't stop laughing whenever his dad is around.
- he is incredibly loud. His voice, that is.
- He is the best dad ever to our little Bruce.
I am certain there are a ton more things, but Bruce is waking up from his nap which means my writing time is over. Plus...check out his hair!
My head is feeling a bit whoozy today, so for sake of keeping things simple I will list everything wonderful about Eric:
- he supports and encourages all of my dreams/goals
- he tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world, every day.
- he laughs at my jokes even though they are generally not funny.
- he takes care of Bruce whenever he is home because he wants to.
- he buys me pretty things every now and then. Sometimes when we are out shopping I will point out something cute and a week later he brings it home. Usually small things, like a headband or cheap earrings.
- he listens to me and gives more of a response then, "uh-huh."
- he rubs my feet or my back whenever I ask him too, even though I am the massage therapist.
- he always helps me make dinner
- he works out with me, even when he does not want to
- he calls his mother every Sunday
- he gets sad when I am sad and does everything he can to make it better
- when I was sick and pregnant he stopped making himself eggs, which he loves, because he knew the smell would make me throw up
- he doesn't get mad when I snoop through everything possible (emails/bank statements/phone) to find out what he is getting me for my birthday/christmas/easter/valentines day
- he knows Easter is my favorite holiday and last year I was too sick to do anything for him and I was sad. He went out and bought us each a basket and candy and brought it to me while I was laying in bed so I could put together an Easter basket for him.
- he always eats my cooking. Of course he eats everything..but still. Sometimes when I try new things I fail.
- he sings to Bruce
- when I ask him what he wants for his birthday he says, "I just want you to be happy," even though I am generally happy already.
- he stayed up all night long while I was in labor even though he is basically a zombie when he doesn't get sleep. I told him not to talk to me or hold my hand and he didn't. Even though he wanted to.
- He tells Bruce he has the most beautiful mother in the world.
- He takes me to the craft store all the time, even if we are just going to look around.
- he always helps out at church whenever anyone asks
- he looks just like his mother but acts just like his dad. His dad is hilarious, without meaning to be. I can't stop laughing whenever his dad is around.
- he is incredibly loud. His voice, that is.
- He is the best dad ever to our little Bruce.
I am certain there are a ton more things, but Bruce is waking up from his nap which means my writing time is over. Plus...check out his hair!
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